The other evening I posted on my Instagram story that I was feeling lost, and that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life, and the response was HUGE. The endless messages I received thanking me for posting the story because it resonated with them, and no one really talks about it got me thinking… does anyone REALLY know exactly what they are doing with their lives at my age? In fact, at any age? And why do I feel like the only person suffering from this impending sort of guilt because I don’t know exactly where I am headed, or the kind of path I want to go down, when so many people are responding saying they feel the same? It’s happening to us all, maybe more regularly for some than others, but I want more serious discussions about it. I want people to know that it really is normal to feel like this, and that it’s totally okay that none of us really know what we’re doing, and are just winging it, hoping for the best as we go along. After all, there’s no instruction manual that comes to piece each part of life together, unlike your IKEA furniture.
What I also think a lot of us must learn to do, is give ourselves more credit for just the little things we do to ‘adult’. I mean, making sure that all of your washing is done, feeding yourself 3 times a day, keeping your house clean, paying all the bills AND socialising can often feel like a full time job in itself! And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the independence, I’ve always been a very independent person, so looking after myself and financially supporting myself were things that I just wanted to do without question. However, I often think that this strong independent nature is what weirdly makes me feel lost.
I’m so independent to the point that it makes me somewhat impatient. I want to prove to myself that I can remain independent, provide for myself and achieve the idea of ‘success’ that I have in my head. But when I’m not sure what I want to do to achieve this idea of ‘success’ is when the frustration appears, and the lost feeling reinstates itself in my brain. And what defines success anyway? I know for me, being completely and utterly happy within myself and the people I am surrounded by is the top priority for my life, and success shouldn’t define my happiness – something I have written about before. However, I still know that I shouldn’t ignore the burning desire to achieve in my life, but rather learn to trust the process, and understand that everything happens for a reason. Rome was not built in a day, and neither is my life, and I will get to where I am meant to be at exactly the right time.
Talking of the right time, what I am slowly realising day by day, is that I am not meant to have my life sorted by 22. In fact, I am not meant to have my life sorted by any age. As cliche as it sounds, I’ve seen over and over recently, that we all have our own timeline, and that statement is nothing but true. We don’t need to ensure our lives follow a strictly laid out path, but what I do want to ensure is that I never regret anything. We do things in that moment in time, because it feels right for us. What is right for us now, might not be what is right for us in 3 years time – but if anything, I know that in my twenties now is the time to do what I want, to try anything that is within my reach, to take every opportunity both little and large, but also know when something isn’t worth my time. I want to take care of myself, both physically and mentally, as ultimately nothing is more important than my health. I want to be spontaneous, but also not feel guilty when I want to stay at home in my pjs and watch ALL the Netflix. Ultimately, what I want us all to know is that there is no rule book. We are all doing just fine, MORE than fine. And by supporting each other through this sometimes overwhelming and underwhelming whirlwind, we CAN get through this!
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