The other day someone said to me ‘Oh your blog seems to be doing really well’ and it got me thinking – because actually, I literally could not think anymore the opposite.
To be quite honest, recently, all I have been thinking about is completely getting rid of it. Not because I hate doing it, don’t get me wrong – I absolutely love it. But I have just felt so stuck in a rut, and that it is not moving forward in any way, shape of form, simply because I don’t have the time. It is so frustrating loving something so much, and wanting to find the time for it, but just not being able to.
I certainly don’t have the busiest life, and I am no busier than any normal person – but I have just really struggled recently with fitting anything blog related into my weeks. I think I have found it particularly difficult recently, because although I had a full time job before my new one, I lived so close to work and had slightly longer in the evenings than I do now, and left an hour and a half later in the morning than I do now! I am finding by the time I am home, have made and had dinner, caught up with any jobs that need doing I’m starting to settle down for the evening and get ready for bed – bam, evening done!
I actually remember first getting this new job and thinking, YES WEEKENDS!!! I can get so much work on my blog done, but it just hasn’t worked out. I always have been a really sociable person – and always pack my weekends with seeing friends or family, and of course spending time with Matthew, which is especially important due to him working away a lot at the minute. Then that is the other chance of doing anything gone, it is actually crazy how quickly a week can pass. And before you know it, months.
This has all been churning over in my head, and actually getting me quite down about the whole thing. I want to be able to blog so much, that I have almost been second guessing myself, and thinking, well if you really wanted to do it, you would find the time, no matter what. But I mean… a girl gotta sleep!!!! And I am definitely one of those that needs a real good amount of sleep. I’ve just never been good at not getting what I want to do done.
Pair that with seeing so many people doing amazingly well on the blogging scene – getting amazing opportunities – absolutely within their rights, because they work so hard, it’s really been making me feel like I am lagging behind.
The rise of blogging has seen hundreds, even thousands of girls/women with their own blogs putting out content onto the internet, raising the bar every single day. Producing content on the regular, and not just standard content. The kind of pictures you’d see in magazines, advertorial worthy – and it really puts the pressure on, especially when you just feel like you can’t keep up anyway. And then there is Instagram too…. people with beautifully themed feeds, stunning pictures with the latest fashion pieces, or the latest beauty haul, and then there is me just losing more followers than I gain.
I’ve also felt myself being envious of the people that DO have the time for all of this, or manage to make the time. I am envious of people that don’t have the pressure of needing a full time job – like most people – and can focus on their blog.
It has been on my mind a lot, and I have found myself kind of mentally beating myself up about it, and thinking about it when just trying to spend quality time with my loved ones, or getting frustrated when I get home and can’t take pictures because it is dark, and I literally don’t have another time to take them.
And all of this combined, has honestly just made me think, well if I can’t keep up, then maybe I shouldn’t bother at all? It has really made me think about whether it is all worth me beating myself up about not writing a blog post for the second week in a row, for not posting on Instagram for two days straight, and not producing as much content all round as the people who DO have the time. I know that literally nothing will happen if I don’t blog consistently, but it really gets to me when I can’t find the time for something that I love. But the fact that it is something I love, is actually the exact reason why I won’t give up, and WILL find the time every now and again to blog, because why should I give it up?
Also, funny story… I have been thinking about and meaning to write this post for ages, but haven’t had the time… irony for you.
I am really hoping that this lagging behind, stuck in a rut kind of feeling goes very soon, and soon enough I don’t feel the pressure of not doing well, but actually feel like ‘yeah you know what, you’re doing good.’